Typical Monday Morning

Before I begin, allow me to acknowledge that I recognize the below events are a sign of a life pretty well lived. As a good liberal Democrat/NY Jew, I feel I need to start with a little self guilt. And, given that I haven’t slept much in the past few days, this entry is just as much about capturing the events for posterity as it is for sharing the stories.

And now, on with the show.

I made it to work today. That, my friends, is an accomplishment. This past weekend was a whirlwind, mostly due to my father in law getting remarried and the surrounding events. I came in to the office slightly hung over, majorly fatigued, and with the hopes that it would be quieter than home.

Last night was the actual wedding and reception. It was a rather intimate, and quite elegant, affair. Honestly, the only downside of the night was the DJ, who only played songs that made me feel like I was at an 80’s Bar Mitzvah (think “Shout,” “Twist and Shout,” “We Are Family” and any other overplayed song you hear at these types of events). I would have been a better DJ. For serious.

P’s siblings were split between various tables, which I was initially nervous about, as it meant I’d have to pull out the shiny interactive me, as opposed to the quirky introverted me… These things can always be a crapshoot, and I am quite certain I am not the only one who has war stories of the people that were altogether inappropriate, dull, or otherwise incompatible.

Turns out I didn’t have to worry at all in the department, as P and I spent a large portion of the evening speaking with our table companions. The couple across from us were fantastic. New York dwellers who love living in NY. One of them was a writer for, well, let’s just say a TV series P and I kinda worship. And to her credit, she was cool with periodic gushing about how much we loved her show. On top of that, she and her fiancé were genuinely cool people. Thus ensued lots of clever jokes, funny stories, and general revelry.

I think I want to be their friends. I have a bit of a crush on their personalities.

Having brought the Wii with us to our hotel room (which I think is an entirely reasonable thing to do thankyouverymuch), we invited them back for some intro to the world of dorky gaming. Luckily, they were just as tired as we were, and didn’t take us up on it (although I totally would have played – being tired has never gotten in the way of my ability to indulge in a video game), although they did come by with their sweet dog to make an introduction.

We’re totally in.

P and I got to bed around 1am, and were up by 7:15 to squeeze in a few more minutes with sibs who live far away. I dragged my bum out of bed and into the freezing cold morning. A muffin helped calm my tummy from the past evening’s activities.

We got home to the reminder that our roof is being repaired today. Great for the house and all, but entirely unpeaceful if you want to have some quiet time before reengaging with the outside world. Our poor kitties were all hiding under the beds, and looked at us as if to say, “Are you going to kill us now?”

I went to go hop in to the shower to wash off some of the aforementioned revelry, only to discover that the roofer was working directly above the skylight in the bathroom. I wasn’t so much in the mood for a nudie show, so I skipped the shower and threw on work-ready clothes.

Truth be told, I kinda dressed up today because in my head tardiness is offset by how well you are dressed. It isn’t logical, but it makes perfect sense in my head.

So let’s do a brief recap: late night, with lots of good food and perhaps some alcohol involved, chatty chatty with new people, up early, no shower, loud banging as if the ceilings are about to fall in due to work on the roof.

My only chance for quiet was to head in to the office. As I am getting to my car, the woman who cleans our house every couple of weeks pulls up. I could swear this is not her week to come, and our house is a total disaster from having just arrived home yet not unpacked one iota. Could she show her friend around the house, who is going to be cleaning on her behalf while she visits family over the holidays?

Of course, I say, trying not to blurt out the fact that I wish her luck poking her way around the mail and other papers that’s been tossed about thanks to the freaked out cats, the laundry that is awaiting folding, and the sheer amount of crap that is all over the porch from the roofers.

I got out of there pretty quick, and found respite in cubicle land. Never did I think I would hear myself saying this, but it was actually more relaxing to come to work.

"The cats are fine, but..."

Not really the way you want a conversation to start. But that's what I was told when I called home from the road, after a text message was sent reading, "call before you get here."

Uh-oh.

"The cats are fine, but there was a little incident."

Incident?

Here's the innocent beginning: Apparently P went to turn on the hot water this morning and, when nothing came out, she turned it off. Turning the spout to no avail happens sometimes in our old house. For some reason the pipe leading up to the upstairs bathroom will freeze up in the chill of winter. I don't think it happens anywhere else in the house.

Also necessary to know for this story is that we have two bathrooms and while the sinks look identical, the handles for the hot water actually turn in an opposite direction from each other when turning on/off. In other words, one of them needs to be turned clockwise to stop running, while the other one needs to be turned counterclockwise to achieve the same result. It's one of those little quirks that we know about, we've laughed about, but haven't done anything about because it doesn't impact anything on a larger scale.

Or so we thought.

Back to the story at hand: P turned the hot water knob completely in one direction, and as nothing came out she went to turn it off. She couldn't remember the direction that turned the water off (it sounds silly, but would you if you didn't see the physical evidence of water stopping?) so turned it in the direction she thought was correct and assumed that all was back to normal. She left for work, thinking nothing of it. What she didn't realize was that she had actually turned the hot water knob to full blast, and while it didn't work initially, the water did start flowing as the day went on and the pipes warmed slightly.

You can see where this is going.

By the time she came home from a hard day at the hospital, the upstairs bathroom was flooding and water had seeped through the floor, into the kitchen directly below it. A decent chunk of the ceiling gave its life. The water continued to drip from the kitchen ceiling, through cracks in the kitchen floor, and into the basement.

Like I said, old house. It's one big domino effect.

Poor P felt terrible, and did a major cleanup effort prior to my arriving home. I didn't see any of the puddles - only the small amounts of detritus that continue to leak from the ceiling. And the grody yellow drips that fall every few minutes.

Luckily, the musical episode of Scrubs was on tonight, and that was a great pick me up. That, a little vanilla tea, and two cats to pat.

Oh, well. What can you do? Here's hoping our home insurance covers it!

Did you ask the right questions?

I think I need to start keeping a tally of where a semi-recent article on marriage stands in the "most emailed" section of the NY Times. Originally published on December 17th, it has remained one of the 10 most popular stories. It will move up and down (it dangled at 9 for about a 1/2 day, then moved back up to 5), but has yet to leave the list.

Currently, it sits at #4. It's been there for over three weeks, and it is #4. It's not like it's been a slow news time...

It isn't a long article - it lasts 301 words. Just a simple listing of questions you should ask prior to marriage, without any fanfare. My current favorite is number 12: "What does my family do that annoys you?" Not "Does my family annoy you?" but what about them is annoying. I guess it's universal...

Who are all of you people that keep emailing this? And why aren't you talking to your significant others?